He never made it.
That brings me to today. When my seven-year-old son stumbled upon his limp, tangled body in the drawer beneath the cable box. "He feels warm," he said.
"It's probably because it's June," I replied without thinking.
I tossed around the idea of suggesting the elf was hibernating. Then maybe that his spirit had left his body and floated back to the North Pole. Three years ago, I could have distracted him momentarily, stuffed it down my shirt and 15 minutes later that would've been the end of it. I couldn't lie fast enough.
Not with this child. The jig is up.
What I wasn't prepared for was the endless list questions that followed. What about the leprechauns? And the Easter bunny? (For the record, he admitted he never believed in the Easter bunny anyways. The thought of a 6 foot tall rabbit hiding eggs was just too far fetched for this realist.)
I assessed the situation, weighed my losses and settled on this:
"In actuality, none of them are real. Except Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. They are totally legitimate. And you better roll the elf over on his stomach cause his eyes are actually cameras spying on you from the North Pole."
You could say I ruined Christmas. I say I brought June some Yule Tide magic AND a fresh tool to bribe good behavior.
We'll circle back on this when he's nine.
If you only knew what happened yesterday. #growingup #parenting #nowheretohide